These Are The Reasons Why You Suck
by Otaku-TACO
Summary: Letters from characters containing their opinions (or at least what I believe to be their opinions)on some of your stories. I mean no offense to anyone and please enjoy.
1. Rob Lucci (LucciLuffy)

Dear writers of fanfiction,

I cannot even begin to describe the depths of my pure and unadulterated hatred towards you weak-minded wastes of oxygen, food, space, time and life, on the topic of 'Lucci/Luffy', or, as the more mentally challenged of you may call it, 'Luccy'.

I have idea as to how you all came up with the idea that we may possibly have any feelings towards each other that aren't of the negative kind, or how either of us for that matter- mainly myself- would stoop so low as to have relations with _anyone_ from either side of the 'Pirates vs. Marines' constant war but, I assure you, I do _not_ wish to know. Now usually, I would not waste my precious time on such trivial creatures such as yourselves, but, I felt that this matter had to be addressed. Also, theses 'stories'- which if you ask me are more like disgusting pieces of slime which I wouldn't even disgrace my shoe by walking on- _will_ stop.

There shall be no argument on this matter. I will also suggest that you sleep with both eyes open from hence forth. It would please me greatly to see the expressions on your faces as I maliciously slaughter all of you have dared to 'ship' us.

-Rob Lucci.

P.S. This is not a threat; it is a promise and declaration.

_***LINE***_

**So…what do ya think? Did I capture his personality? Does it seem like something he would say? More to come!**


	2. Eustass Kid (LawKid)

Dear writers of fanfiction,

Those pants are too tight for me to get into.

-Eustass Kid


	3. Monkey D Luffy (KidLuffy)

Dear writers of fanfiction,

Are you all idiots?

-Monkey. D. Luffy


	4. Kaku (LuffyKaku)

Dear writers of fanfiction,

How in the name of all that is holy do you get such a 'deep emotional connection' from less than 30 seconds of eye contact in only, like, 3 encounters?! Two of which we didn't even really acknowledge each other! AU or not, you're all sick-minded perverts looking for a new fix. Well, find it somewhere else you bastards!

-Kaku


	5. Marco (MarcoWhitebeard)

Dear writers of fanfiction,

Excuse me for a moment whilst I regurgitate up my very _essence_ in _great_ disgust at what your sick little minds read and come up with. _Seriously_…what is wrong with you?!

-Marco


	6. Nico Robin (RobinCrocodile)

Dear writers of fanfiction,

What an interesting topic you have decided to put such incredible faith into. But what a tragedy it would be if you were all slaughtered mercilessly for it…

-Nico Robin


	7. Kalifa (Fanfics)

Dear writers of fanfiction,

That's sexual harassment.

-Kalifa


	8. Trafalgar Law (LawKidd)

Dear writers of fanfiction,

I _will_ find you and I _will_ kill you. I will make sure each and every one of your deaths are far worse than anything even Rob Lucci himself could deal out or think of. I did _not_ agree to be involved in this 'pairing' and I never will. None of you have _any_ idea as to how much that guy pisses me off and, as such, I would suggest to you that you all use your remaining time on Earth finding somewhere else to get your 'fix'. You are all sick, twisted bastards and I _will_ make sure that you _all_ die.

-Trafalgar Law


	9. Roronoa Zoro (ChopperZoro)

Dear writers of fanfiction,

Hey you, yeah you. Do you see these swords? These swords right here? Ya know…The swords that I've protected, fought with and in general kept by my side through the entire anime/manga? Yeah…_those_ swords…

Now, watch as I use these same swords to kill each and every one of you sick bestialic, perverted bastards maliciously. Seriously man…what is _wrong_ with you?!

-Roronoa Zoro


	10. Trafalgar Law (LawLuffy)

Dear writers of fanfiction,

While this not completely impossible for this pairing to happen, I still say no. However, in the terms of this or the…_other_…pairing, I would say this one. That other one…it still sickens me to my very core.

-Trafalgar Law

_***LINE***_

**I probably went easy on this one because I ship them so…yeah…In terms of what the 'other' pairing is…'Law/Kid'…**


	11. Roronoa Zoro (SanjiZoro)

Dear writers of fanfiction,

I will cut up each and every one of you and feed you to the sharks.

- Roronoa Zoro

* * *

**Hey! Yesterday (May 22) was my birthday so 2 of my best friends and I spent the day celebrating (even if I _did_ end up paying for _everything_), and that's why I didn't update- even though I planned to. I'm 14 now! (Dear god have his _mercy_! I _HATE_THAT NUMBER! Also, shout outs to:**

**-10th Squad 3rd Seat- Who commented on every chapter; you rock out loud so hard that people on the other side of the planet can hear you!**

**And to everyone else who commented! You all have _no_ idea how surprised I was when I was looking over stuff and saw that this not only over a thousand hits, but also 20 reviews. That is my highest _ever_ amount of reviews (Kinda sad) and I love you all for it. Stay awesome!**


	12. Sanji (SanjiZoro)

Dear writers of fanfiction,

Males:

I _WILL_ FILLET EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOUR SICK ASSES OFF OF THE FACE OF THE EARTH YOU SHITTY DUMBASSES!

Ladies~:

Mademoiselles~ Please do not pair with such a barbaric marimo such as him if you please. ~ _Melloriine~!_

-Sanji

P.S AND WHY THE HELL AM I THE CHICK (uke) SO OFTEN?!


	13. Shanks (ShanksLuffy)

Dear writers of fanfiction,

Hi, can I just point out a few things?

**-**I met him when he was 7 and haven't seen him since.

**-**I think of him as my son and _only_ as my son.

**-**You're all sick lower beings of hell.

**-**I am _**not**_ a pedophile.

**-**Thank you, that is all.

-Shanks

* * *

**HEY! Shout outs to:**

**-Max Wolfwing- You're compliment was very much appreciated and I thank you.**

**-10th Squad 3rd Seat- Good job of keeping up your reputation of commenting on each chapter!**

**Until next time my precious hell spawn!**


	14. Sabo(Alive AU)

Dear writers of fanfiction,

Okay, this bullshit _needs_ to stop. Unfortunately though, there's a seriously long list so I'm gonna have to split it up. Let's start with the Alive! AU's.

Okay, the ones where I'm part of Dragon's Revolutionary army, I see where you're coming from there. What with me meeting him that _one_ time and that teaser clip after my death where he was telling Ivankov to fix 'something'; I can see why you think that, if I really _was_ alive, I'd be there. However, if that really were to happen, don't you think I would've at least somehow informed my brothers that I was alive?! Honestly, didn't you hear my letter? They're my treasure, of _course_ I would've told them! And even if I didn't, don't you think I would've there at Marineford to save Ace's life?! Or at least been there to comfort Luffy? Maybe even search for him during or after the 2 years just to make sure he's okay?! But that doesn't occur to any of you, does it? No, screw all of you, I'm done.

Props to all of you how acknowledge my points and props to all of you who write AUs where I go back to the mountains and grow up with my brothers, eventually going out to sea to become a pirate. Props to all of you who even make me set out with Ace! I like you guys, you're all smart. I admit, I probably should've gone back there immediately when I get the chance but hey, all I could think of was how much I wanted freedom and that the sea is where freedom is. Yeah, it's obvious I would've died out there anyways but hey, would've died free. Plus, it would've been kinda hard to get pass the guards…

-Sabo

P.S. Why isn't there more modern day AUs with me?

* * *

**Okay, the next Sabo one is going to be on pairings. I hate to admit it but, Sabo's death, however heartbreaking/depressing it was, was necessary for development of Luffy's character. If it hadn't happen then he might still be in the mindset that, if someone wasn't happy, they'd leave and come back. We know that would be bad. Example? Water 7/Enies Lobby arc, 'nuff said. Till next time precious hell spawn!**


	15. X Drake (HawkinsDrake)

Dear writers of fanfiction.

Despite what you all might think, I'd rather not.

-X Drake

* * *

**This was dedicated to our Guest commentator!**


	16. Portagas D Ace (Alive Fics)

Dear writers of fanfiction,

Okay look, I don't exactly like it either but, I'm dead. Have been for a bit over 2 years now. I appreciate you all trying to give me a second chance and all but, I _am_ dead.

-Portagas. D. Ace


	17. Nami (LuffyNami)

Dear writers of fanfiction,

Okay look, despite what you all may think, Luffy and I _aren't_ a couple and never will be. I understand why you might think that he would 'love' me and I him, what with the whole 'Arlong and Shiki' incidents. However, you should all know by now that Luffy would do that for anyone he cares about in that position; that person just so happened to be me. Also, take into consideration that he also declared war on the _entire_ World Government for Robin, practically destroyed all of Franky's Family for Usopp, challenged a Shichibuki when he was still pretty inexperienced for Vivi and invaded Impel Down and Marineford for Ace. The only reason he hasn't done anything like that for the others is because they've gotten _themselves_ out those kinds of situations. Luffy does these things for _anyone_ he cares about and I'm no different. You're all just misinterpreting the real reason for this actions so straighten your shit out already 'cause I'm tired of dealing with it.

-Nami

* * *

**I was already planning on doing this but since DoodleGreenQueen gave a request for it, here's your shout out!**

**P.S. I'm not Nami fan either...**


	18. Crocodile (CrocodleDoflamingo)

Dear writers of fanfiction,

_**No.**_

-Crocodile


	19. Basil Hawkins (ApooHawkins)

Dear writers of fanfiction,

There is a 99% chance that the origin of this 'pairing' was either a dare or crack pairing idea, a 35.67% chance that the person who came up with this idea is retarded and a 100% chance that none of you who 'ship' this will survive.

-Basil Hawkins

* * *

**This was dedicated to our Guest commentator!**


	20. Doflamingo (CrocodileDoflamingo)

Dear writers of fanfiction,

How hilarious! You know what else is hilarious? You. Dying. **Brutally**.

-Donquixote Doflamingo


	21. Scratchmen Apoo (ApooHawkins)

Dear writers of fanfiction,

Um, no, **no**, back the fuck off, no.

Scratchmen Apoo

* * *

**This was dedicated to our Guest commentator!**


	22. Sabo (Pairings)

**Okay, listen, I'm not sure how long it's gonna till I update again so don't expect more so soon but I'll try and you all just enjoy this chapter.**

* * *

Dear writers of Fanfiction,

Okay, next topic on the list; 'Pairings'. I'll do from okay enough to just horrible'

-'_Sabo/Robin_'- Understandable, most think that, if I was alive, I would be with the Revolutionary Army and she spent two years with them so, yeah, there's a valid chance that we could meet. And if we did, yeah, we would definitely bond over Luffy and probably have a few things in common, however, that doesn't necessarily mean that we would hook up. Robin, after all, is very guarded and tsundere. (Not to mention she would be 8 years older than me…)

'_Ace/Sabo'_- **WHAT THE FUCK?!** We're brothers! _Just brothers_! I died when we were _both_ 10 years old, what would we have done before this time?! AU or not, no, gross, die you sick perverts.

'_Luffy/Sabo_'- I've said it before and I'll say it again, **WHAT THE FUCK?!** He's the _younger_ brother! I didn't even know him for a full year before I died (a very sad but true fact that constantly haunts me), _what would we have done in this space of time_?! Plus he would be too god damn innocent anyways. Again, AU or not, no matter how you look at it, this 'pairing' is blasphemic.

'_Law/Sabo_'- Okay, this isn't _exactly_ worse than the above two but, at the same time, it's almost worst. I mean, seriously, how did you come up with this?! It was probably just supposed to be a crack pairing but still, fucking _how_? He doesn't even any connections (as far as I know) to the Revolutionary Army so it can't be that and I'm pretty god damn sure that he doesn't, nor has he ever, known that I exist or has ever existed, so how? That all I'm really asking for here.

-Sabo

* * *

**Okay, it's been a while but I've been having troubles on both focusing on this story and writing. I'm very busy and I'm sorry it so long. All requests, Guest or not, I will try to fill but I'm not sure how long it's gonna take. The only real reason this one is done and posted is because it was written down already from long ago but not typed out yet. Shout out to;**

**-mad100141- I _love_ your comments and all the little craziness in them. All the pairings implied or typed in there I'll try my best to do. Thanks a ton.**

**Thanks to all the others who reviewed too. This was just to help ease any suffering. I'll try to be back as soon as possible.**


End file.
